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Ronald Daigle uploaded photo(s)
Thursday, April 9, 2020
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I took this photo in September of 1969 while staying overnight with Paulette and family in Toronto.
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Nathan & the Staff of eco posted a symbolic gesture
Monday, September 9, 2019
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May this memorial webpage designed in tribute to Paulette bring you comfort as you begin to share stories, photos and memories of her here.
Sincerely, Nathan and the staff of eco.
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Kathleen uploaded photo(s)
Friday, April 26, 2019
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Kathleen uploaded photo(s)
Friday, April 26, 2019
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Kathleen uploaded photo(s)
Friday, April 26, 2019
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Bill posted a condolence
Friday, April 26, 2019
BILL FREEMAN'S EULOGY
I still wonder why Paulette was attracted to me. When we met, I lived in a small mail order cottage on Ward’s Island, with insulbrick siding and no central heating. I had no job, four kids, no car and I was struggling to earn a living as a writer, one of the least lucrative careers in the country. What could she see in me? But fortunately, she did see something of value.
In time we bought our house together on Seneca Avenue. I remember after we completed the deal, she said to me, “I guess we’re going to live together.” Impossible as it seems, we never talked about living together. It was just a natural progression of our relationship.
And we made a life here on these Islands. We merged our two families – my four kids and her three, along with sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles, nephews, and nieces, friends from the city and from the Island. We made a life here, and Paulette was at the centre of that life. There was work, political issues that we became involved in, a broad social life that included parties, dances, good times and some hard times.
It was values that shaped Paulette’s life. A love of family and friends, toleration and acceptance of others, compassion for those in need, strength in the face of adversity, and the love of beauty in visual art, literature, music, design, fashion and in all the small things of everyday life.
It was not all easy. Paulette lost her son, Jim Kelly, a bright, talented man who was a successful actor and visual artist. Tragically he became mentally ill and died far too young. I mention him only because I know Paulette would want me to keep his memory alive.
But there were many good times. Paulette bubbled with curiosity. She loved new experiences, and delighted in meeting people. She liked to travel, and fortunately for me, she dragged me out of my office, and we went to places like Egypt, Europe, Mexico, South America, California, Italy and across Canada. She was the social co-ordinator in our household. Like in many families, it is the women who lead, and the men who benefit. That was certainly true with us.
We didn’t always agree. Sometimes I felt we never agreed on anything, but we loved each other, we loved our broad, inclusive family and friends. And we built a life that was authentic, and deeply satisfying to both of us. That is what Paulette gave to me.
It was over two years ago now that Paulette got sick. It has been a difficult time, especially the past few weeks. Often, I have been asked if I was alright. The only way that I can adequately answer that is to quote the English poet John Dryden.
I am sore wounded but not slain.
I will lay me down and bleed a while
And then rise up to fight again.
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Brenda posted a condolence
Friday, April 26, 2019
BRENDA GREGORY'S EULOGY
I made a lemon meringue pie for Easter dinner last night. As I was making it, I thought of what my mom would have said if she had been able to come for dinner and saw the pie. I am certain that she would have said something like “Remember when I used to make lemon meringue pie all the time?” or “Jimmy loved lemon meringue pie!” Perhaps she would have told me about the time she ate a similar dessert in some far-flung country. Or maybe she’d recall some baking disaster last time she tried to make a pie. Or perhaps I would get some advice on how to perfect the pie or she would recount a recent article from the newspaper that spoke about old-timey pies.
That was the thing about my mom – connections. She would see something and somehow it would be connected to something else. To me, this speaks of a life well lived. A curious life, a life full of purpose. She had an adventurer’s spirit and a big heart, the combination of which made her travel the world but never forget about the people she loved back home. She would trek around with little gifts for us, not caring about carrying them from place to place until she returned. (My gifts have included a vibrant scarf from Egypt, a beautiful leather green purse from Italy, and lovely handcrafted jewellery.) When she wasn’t travelling, she would send surprise envelopes through the mail and when you opened it, it would be full of newspaper clippings of articles she thought you would enjoy.
Many people compartmentalize the different aspects of their life – work friends in one corner, family in another, old friends and acquaintances in yet another. But my mom did not do this – she included everyone. Not only included them, but encouraged them to connect. This church full of people from every walk of life – of every corner of her life – is very proof of that.
In Danielle’s (my daughter, her granddaughter) last conversation with my mom, my mom told her that when the kids had been put to bed at night, rather than being in silence together watching tv or reading side-by-side, her or her husband should come up with a random word with intent to talk about it. She felt certain that in talking about it, they would find some sort of connection – whether it be an experience, a memory, a taste, a sight; it would encourage them to talk – to really talk. To uncover connections and, by doing so, it would strengthen their own connection.
The downside, if any, to all this connecting meant that she was often not fully present in the moment – or at least that is how it seemed to me. Rather, she would be off somewhere digging around in her memories seeking those connections. It was maddening sometimes – but as I think about it now? I’ll miss her trying to make those connections. They were a portal into her – and our – past, her interests, her creativity, and her love for us all.
Along with the connection sometimes (often? always?) came advice. Her granddaughter (my daughter), Caitlin tells of the time when she was younger and her Nanny pointed to a piece of art, asking “Do you like this painting?” Caitlin didn’t answer, unsure of how to respond and my mom said, “Come on, I asked your opinion. If someone asks your opinion, you should give it.” Then, barely missing a beat, my mom said, “Actually, even if they don’t ask, tell them your opinion anyways!”
I got plenty of advice and doses of my mom’s opinions over the years – always with the intent to provide me with guidance and strength. I won’t lie, it was irritating some times but I knew it came from a place of love and caring. She wanted me – and anyone at the receiving end of her advice – to live our very best lives as happily and healthily as possible. She knew from experience that life could be hard and I believe her hope was that by giving advice – whether wanted or not! – she could help us create and foster a more easier path.
But connections for my mom were just not intangible, random memories strung together. Her connections with each person was purposeful and as unique and individual as she was. When I asked Norah, my granddaughter, her great-granddaughter, what she would remember about her Great Nanny, she said she’d remember Christmases and holidays on the island, having lunch and movie dates, doing crafts and playing, decorating cookies and a gingerbread house, and getting the Chirp magazine – something Norah eagerly anticipated with every visit to their mailbox. Here’s the thing – I know that Norah’s mom and aunt have exactly the same early memories of their Nanny. There was an intention to connect. And I’m willing to bet that everyone in this room has their own memories and a sense of their own unique connection to my mom as well.
That lemon meringue pie was my connection to my mom for me last night. Of course I stacked the deck – it was no accident that I made a lemon meringue pie for my family – but I naively thought I made it as a homage to my mom and family desserts of my early years. But when I really think about it, I realize that the pie was much more than that. I felt connected.
I hope from this day forward when you see, bake, or eat a lemon meringue pie, you will end up digging around in your memories and tell the time of a woman and her eulogy for her mom that talked about a lemon meringue pie. It’ll be just one small connection – to me, to each other…and to my mom.
K
Kathleen posted a condolence
Friday, April 26, 2019
KATHLEEN KELLY'S EULOGY
Someone once said that love is an action. I agree.
My mother and friend Paulette understood this truth very well.
Being a loving person - where the rubber meets the road - is about how a person behaves.
We all know Paulette was a tremendously vibrant, extroverted woman who rarely hesitated to connect with and engage others in life and conversation, who brought enthusiasm, warmth and humour wherever she found herself - up to and including the most trying circumstances at the end of her life, when she suffered so terribly, yet managed to impress her doctors and caregivers with her special brand of joie de vivre and gratitude.
My mother had a seemingly innate gift for honouring and being the best kind of participant in this life, through her natural curiosity and by "showing up". She supported her nearest and dearests by honouring our times of triumph and tragedy. By celebrating our birthdays and milestones, laying beautiful tables for special holiday gatherings, and always extending invitations to others, even relative strangers; she was a naturally inclusive person, long before the word became so recently fashionable.
Paulette was a doer, from planning fundraisers and championing writers and visual artists, to exploring other countries and cultures, always with an open mind. She was a consummate organizer and advocate for others, and would lend her mojo, her animated presence and efforts, to any endeavor. She never hesitated to support others by handling onerous tasks and taking steps to get things moving, and so offer practical solace when life went sideways - as it always will, at some point, for all of us during our lifetime.
My mother was an authentic person, fully and beautifully herself. She possessed great integrity, and was always careful to support and offer perspective without tearing down others, seeking context and understanding. For all her fieriness, she had gentleness too. Even those whom she met briefly or in passing throughout her life, I feel sure would remember her with genuine fondness. We all have our personal stories, and I invite you to share yours in the days and months ahead.
All these qualities of character - Paulette’s loyalty and integrity, her kindness and generosity - are the more significant for the very real life struggles Paulette encountered and transcended during her lifetime.
My mother was a survivor in the truest sense of the word, having freed herself from her first marriage with a man who she married very young and had loved deeply for many years. Our family story was so shocking and heartbreaking for us all, as my father, Jim Kelly, became increasingly and severely unstable, and was never able to regain his emotional or physical health. He was hurt, and so he hurt others.
In the early years of her life as a single woman and mother, Paulette struggled financially to support me and my siblings and rebuild her life. She worked hard for great organizations for not great pay. Eventually, she went back to school to stimulate her intellect and keen passion for the arts and culture, and to improve her career prospects.
Just as Paulette gained ground in rebuilding her life from the inside out, and began to flourish in her own right as an independent woman, my beloved older brother Jim was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
I offer this here today not to relive these sorrows, but as reflections of the truth, of my mother’s absolute grit and warrior-like determination to protect and sustain her son, my brother, to never give up on him, the whole time striving to be there for and with her other family members, loved ones, and friends to the best of her ability - when she herself had barely processed her own devastating and traumatic intimate history.
In this way and throughout my life, my mother Paulette has taught me the meaning of resilience. Of love in action.
Many of you know my mother and I went through our own um, let's say "rough patch" together. It’s true we could set each other off like TNT. As a wise person once observed: Who better to push your buttons than the people who installed them?
As a teenager and intermittently into my 30s our relationship see-sawed between connected and a bit too emotionally enmeshed, from easy and fun given our many shared interests, including books, fashion, travel and social causes, to uneasy and very conflicted. Finally, our increasingly explosive arguments led to a time of separation, during which I, too, began rebuilding my life and sought over several years to resolve my own complex history.
The most extreme highlight of our conflict was a shouting match in the very dignified and elegant Park Plaza hotel restaurant. That day, we said it all. Got it all out on the table. Everything.
And it was great.
After that, we fought some more. But our arguments had a different flavour, we knew we could and would get through. Slowly, we gained a new kind of respect for one another. We became not just mother and daughter, but friends. Our relationship healed and grew. As did our honesty with one another. We had both become healthier and happier women.
Given some of life’s raw deals thrown her way, my mother could so easily and understandably have been bitter and unkind and blaming, closed off to love and life. But she chose something different for herself, a different way to be.
By actively demonstrating her love, showing up for her family, and for her beloved partner and one of my favourite men on the planet, Mr. Bill Freeman; by being a stalwart mother, family member, friend and community member. Paulette gave decades worth of heartfelt cards and meals and flowers and thoughtful gifts, always thinking creatively about what a person would most love or need. She was there for all of us.
In this life, words are easy to say. For me, my mother was a living example of love in action. A beautiful person inside and out. A generous and loyal woman with a noble heart. Impossible to forget. Right now, I hope she is experiencing the best and most blissful travel adventure of her life.
My mother and friend Paulette, I thank you for all that you have given me. You live in my heart as steady and warm as a sunbeam floating across Smoke Lake, where in these last several years we shared some of our most beautiful days together.
J
Jason Hughes posted a condolence
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Dear Kathleen,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Your mum was such a light for me for so many years. She inspired with her desire to build a better life and community for herself and her family. That's what I saw from Montreal and although our time spent together was limited by that distance, it was always a delight to see her as she grew strong and radiant in the accomplishment of those goals. I will miss her greatly.
I was very grateful to have had the chance to say goodbye at the hospice. She was, as always, warm and supportive and that day we talked of the importance of family and maintaining connections. She certainly had all that family love around her at the hospice and we will all carry some of her love with us going forward.
Much love and strength to you and John and all the family from me and the girls in Montreal.
Jason
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petra hagemann posted a condolence
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
Dear Bill, Brenda and Kathleen. Ted and I wish to convey our deepest condolences to you for the loss of your dear Paulette. We are grieving with you. She was such a beautiful woman, generous, passionate and energetic. Nothing was impossible for her, her adventurous spirit was infectious, but above all, her love for her family knew no bounds. She was a great friend and although we did not see each other often enough she was always like a sister to me. She hold a special place in my heart; I will miss her and love her forever.
Petra and Ted
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Sonja Hagemann posted a condolence
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Dear Brenda + Kathleen: I was so sad to hear about your Mom's passing. It has been a long time but felt as though I kept in touch through occasional updates via Petra. I will always remember her joyful, positive, kind, loving spirit and bright light. I am so very sorry for your loss. warmly, Sonja Hagemann
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Mark and Heather Czubak posted a condolence
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Hello Kathleen,
Mark remebers your lovely Mother well and we are very very sorry for your loss.We hope to talk with you soon on the phone.
lots of love,
Heather & Mark
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Nancy McKinnon pledged to donate to Kensington Hospice
Monday, April 22, 2019
Deep appreciation for the dignity, kindness and comfort you provided to Paulette & her family.
Please wait
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Sarah Reid pledged to donate to Kensington Hospice
Monday, April 22, 2019
In Memory of Paulette Pelletier-Kelly
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Sarah Reid lit a candle
Monday, April 22, 2019
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Brenda uploaded photo(s)
Monday, April 22, 2019
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Paulette as a young mum, with Brenda
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mireya gonzalez uploaded photo(s)
Monday, April 22, 2019
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Paulette continue to share special moments of our lives
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Mireya Gonzalez uploaded photo(s)
Sunday, April 21, 2019
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Bill & Paulette 2015
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Mireya Gonzalez uploaded photo(s)
Sunday, April 21, 2019
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With our family at the beach in Chile
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Mireya Gonzalez uploaded photo(s)
Sunday, April 21, 2019
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Bill & Paulette 2013
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Mireya Gonzalez uploaded photo(s)
Sunday, April 21, 2019
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Bill´s book
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Mireya Gonzalez uploaded photo(s)
Sunday, April 21, 2019
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Enjoying some chilean wine at Maitencillo beach in Chile
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Sue Passmore uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Paulette and her girls, Mother’s Day brunch 2018
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Jessica Freeman uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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An intense game of Monopoly
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Jessica Freeman uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Thanksgiving baking
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Jessica Freeman uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Easter egg decorating!
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Danielle Passmore uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Kathleen uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Me and mum at Vic Springate's 100th birthday party.
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Kathleen uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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Paulette with her great granddaughter, Eleanor.
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Kathleen uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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True love at Smoke Lake.
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Brenda uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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My mom, me, and her granddaughters. Taken February 2018.
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Brenda uploaded photo(s)
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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A windy selfie!
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The family of Paulette Pelletier-Kelly uploaded a photo
Saturday, April 20, 2019
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